The Long Way to Right

If you line up my adult life in order, it looks a little busy on paper. There are chapters that lasted, one that ended far too soon, one that made sense only in context, and the one I am in now. As a result, I have been married four times.

That tends to make people pause. Sometimes they do the math in their head. Sometimes they try to arrange their face into something neutral and land somewhere between curiosity and concern. I usually reassure them that it was not part of a plan, it was simply how life unfolded.

My first husband and I were married for nine years. My second husband died. My third marriage happened during grief, which is a chapter I have already written about elsewhere and do not need to relive at dinner parties. I am now married to my fourth husband, David, who arrived after I had learned a few things, lost a few things, and lowered my tolerance for nonsense considerably.

This context matters, because one day, my sister said something that made me laugh so hard I almost missed the compliment.

She said, very casually, “Of all your husbands, I think Dave is the perfect one for you.”

Of all your husbands.

It was not an unkind statement, and not inaccurate. It wasn't even poorly intentioned, and yet, there is something about hearing your life summarized like a tasting flight that stops you in your tracks.

Of all your husbands.

It sounds like a sentence that should be followed by a clipboard or a ranking system... possibly a laminated chart.

I know what she meant, of course - she meant that David fits me. He understands me. He complements my personality, my history, and my way of moving through the world. He is patient where I am not, steady where I tend to improvise, and calm in situations where I immediately assume someone has done something wrong.

She meant it lovingly, but still... the phrasing.

It makes it sound as though I have been auditioning spouses. Like there were rounds... like someone took notes.

Husband One had strong potential but lacked longevity. Husband Two was a love that ended far too soon. Husband Three was clearly a decision made under emotional duress and possibly sleep deprivation. And now here we are, several seasons later, with a final selection.

David does not seem bothered by this distinction. He laughs when my sister says it and it's become a reference joke between us now.

So yes, I have had more than one husband... I have had more than one life, really.

And of all of them, David is the one who makes me laugh when my sister accidentally turns my marriage history into a résumé.

At this point, I’ve collected enough data to be confident in the choice.

A little grace, a little grit, plenty of laughter,

~Stef